You have all probably noticed a distinct slowdown in my work this year, and I am writing this post to share with you some of the reasons why. All of you who support my work are very important to me and a few of you have become good friends. Let me say right up front that I will continue to make and sell my jewelry, crafts and artwork on this website and from my Etsy shop. I would be doing more but many things have pulled me away from the studio. While most of these things are very personal, I feel I owe you an explanation of sorts, and let you know what has been going on.
Last month I made the decision to separate from my husband and partner of over 25 years. It was a decision I had been contemplating for some time. He suffers from clinical depression and has done so all his life. It has been something we have lived with and tried to manage for most of the time we have been together, but it has been difficult, and at times, very difficult. A few years back he became suicidal and I insisted he get treatment, which he did. I resolved to be there for him and did my best to manage. The studio became my sacred space and refuge, but even so I finally reached a point where I, too, was becoming depressed and it was affecting my creativity. I had resisted reading self-help books on the subject, but after doing some research I discovered that people who live with depressed partners or family members are also seriously affected by it, and it helped me understand that my situation was far from unique. (If any of you reading this have a partner or loved one who is depressed, please take it, and your own well being, seriously. The book that helped me most was Depression Fallout by Anne Sheffield, and I recommend it.)
To make a long story short, it became clear that my husband was not interested in any additional help or treatment. Along with other factors it became clear that things were not going to improve and in the meantime I was losing my own health and well being. So we have separated amiably. He has moved out and I am going to stay in the house, our home for 21 years, and continue to work here with his support. We are "taking a break" and are going to take some time before any further decisions are made. I have been grieving the loss of a wonderful person and a long partnership, but we both agree it is for the best. And for the first time in my life I am living alone.
Now my intention is to heal, re-orient and renew my dedication to my soul's path and work, and step more fully into it. This will include more creative work of course, and I am also beginning to teach classes and workshops on metaphysical subjects here in my home, something I have wanted to do for a very long time. And then there is all the spiritual and ceremonial work with the Earth, with the new energies, and evolution.
There are many other things that affecting my ability to be fully present with this, though. The upkeep of the house has been badly neglected, a casualty of the depression, and now there is much work that must be done in a short time. That will take me out of the studio. In addition, every member of my immediate family, including my son, is in a major crisis or powerful change right now, and I feel that stress myself. It takes a fair amount of effort to "stay out of it" and allow them their own journeys, on top of everything else.
Last but not least is the world situation. Everyone is feeling it, and I know many, many people are experiencing anxiety and depression over the changes occurring in the collective human sphere. Some close friends are severely challenged themselves right now and there is a pervasive sense of "no refuge". I won't editorialize here, but will acknowledge that it takes an ongoing level of focus and intention to stay clear of the ambient chaos filtering in from "out there".
So with all of this impacting my energy, mind and heart, it's been challenging to work at times and many times I knew it was not appropriate to try. There have been many days when I just needed to attend to other matters. When I have been working, I have found I am a bit slower than usual and can become confused and forgetful at times. This too shall pass.
I sense that the intense energies affecting us all are not going to let up anytime soon. As I recently said to a friend, it feels like the Universe has called us all onto the carpet and we have been given an ultimatum to get rid of everything that does not serve our higher path in life now. If we don't voluntarily give these things/patterns/situations up, it will be a very tough go for us in the future. The only thing we have control over is ourselves, how we create, and how we respond to the world around us. For myself, I have found that resistance to what I do not like only feeds that person or situation more energy, helping to perpetuate it, and my energy is better used to create. At this time I am severely limiting my exposure to mass media and social media, except for connections that are supportive and reflect the positive change I wish to see...a media detox. I am simplifying my belongings and my diet, and am also carefully attending to my thoughts and feelings. And I am committing to creating the world I wish to see, to unplugging from the toxic, collapsing aspects of the human collective and aligning myself with a higher reality that is coming in now, very strongly. It feels like riding the cyclone, but what a trip it is.